What is this.....

So I've been taking this class called Love Sex and Lasting Relationships. It is absolutely the most amazing class in my entire life. I can't help but be effected every time we sit in that tiny classroom with our notes and pens in front of us. The instructor is so informative and puts the material in a way that makes sense to me. I can relate to it and feel more equipped to make important relational decisions.

That is what leads me to this blog...

I loved meeting you, and I loved getting to know these past couple of weeks. I know the decisions we have made and I think they are the best decision that we could make right now. But there is a problem. I am a very emotional driven girl. I admitted that your relationship with God was honestly the first thing that I saw. I second thing I saw was the way you acted around other people. You were quiet and listened when people spoke. You kept your cool when you were annoyed and did not complain afterward. Our conversations while getting to know each other have been both fulfilling and informative. I can honestly say that I know who you are.

You have expressed how you feel about and I must confess I feel the same way. You coming to Mission next year and I am leaving for Cali. Hundreds of miles and rule will separate us. I am okay with that, but that is not the reason for this post.

Like I said, I am a very emotionally drive person. This is not because I am a women, but it is because I have little control of my emotions. Right now my emotions are becoming closer and closer tied to you and less to God. I know that this is not what you want and you will most likely be upset that I let myself get this way. You told me from the start that you did not want to be a distraction. I honestly didn't think you would be. And you weren't at first. At first, I didn't feel the need to text back as soon as you text me. I didn't wait on a phone call to talk to you. But now I cling to my phone like an addict. I beg to no one in particular that you call me.

This is too much. The class as taught me that I need to take this slow. We like each other, great, but we can't let that blind us. Maybe you haven't, but I have and I can not let myself continue. I am setting us up for failure. We already know we like each other, so it should be that hard to agree to wait for a year. If the feelings are still there then maybe we can start something. However, as of now, I need to just stop. No more sweet nothings. An occasional "Hey. How are you," is okay. I don't mind to talk to you but, I want this to work. And its not going to at this rate. I hope all this makes sense not that you are reading it, but it will help me tell you tonight. Don't think of it as a goodbye, but as a hope for the future. Neither of us know what will come of this. Just think of it as an adventure and lean on God. He will show you the way.

Growing Up....

If it's okay with you I'd like to admit that I'm miserable at the fact that I'm maturing. Not because I can't do fun things anymore, but because I'm losing people who used to be close to me. I guess it's a good thing that I am growing out of relationships that will only bring me down, but I guess it's just hard to except. I love my friends. I love having fun with them and joking and goofing off. They are so far away and will be even farther When I leave for CA. I know this is probably pretty confusing, but I'm going through a lot of changes and I don't really know how to deal with it. I guess I just need to deal. I am beginning to think that this blog is just a place for me to complain because no one reads it and I don't really want the ones I know. This kinds just gets everything of my mind and heart. Maybe it's a note to God. I know he knows what I'm thinking. Sigh... I'm sorry God. I need you. I know I need you. Please help me except the changes that are happening to me. Please comfort me when I feel lonely. I love you God. I'm sorry that I have not been satisfied with what you have given me.  I am a selfish girl and I don't deserve the life you have given to me. I love you.